Really Gets My Goat!

I love me some goat cheese.  It has the most wonderful flavor.  It's the fairy-dust of the food world....it makes everything taste better.

Last week I bought this....

and although my first inclination was to eat it straight out of the container with a spoon, I decided to make two recipes with it instead.


Stuffed Poblanos with Goat Cheese

4 Poblano Peppers
1 can Red Kidney Beans, rinsed and drained
1.5 cup cooked Brown Rice
1.5 cup Corn
2 T Extra Virgin Olive Oil
2 T Crumbled Goat Cheese

Move oven rack to highest shelf and turn broiler on High.  Cut peppers in half and remove seeds and stems. Place peppers skin side up directly on rack and broil until skin black and blistered, about 4 minutes.
 

Make filling by mixing beans, rice, corn and oil in a bowl.
 

Remove skin from poblano peppers.  Stuff with filling.  Sprinkle with goat cheese.

Enjoy!!


Goat Cheese Portabello Naan Pizza

1 Mini Whole Wheat Naan
1 T Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 t Garlic Powder
1/2 cup Baby Portabello Mushrooms, chopped
1/4 cup Grape Tomatoes, cut in half
1/4 cup Baby Spinach, chopped
1 T Crumbled Goat Cheese

Heat oven to 400 degrees.

Place naan on aluminum foil.  Rub with olive oil and sprinkle with garlic powder.  Top with tomatoes, mushrooms, goat cheese and spinach.


Place the aluminum foil with the naan directly on oven rack.  Bake for 12 minutes.

Enjoy!!!


Week 2 went pretty well.  I got to the gym 5 times and have been cooking like a crazy person!!

Current Weight:  253.2
Last Week Weight:  254.2
Week Loss:  -1 lb

Restart Weigh-In: Read It and Weep

I have been really hard on my body.   I either ignore it completely or push it to its limit.  When it shows weakness I have absolutely no mercy.  I get mad that it's all stretched out (and will probably never bounce back) and that my foot hurts if I'm not ridiculously careful (plantar fasciitis).  It gets me angry to the point of tears when I get on the treadmill and can only walk 1.5 mph.  It makes me want to throw things and rip my hair out when I bend over and everything is stiff and hurts and my legs feel swollen and achy....from doing nothing.

The truth is that my body has held up under intense pressure.  And it has never let me down.  When I ask for change it responds. I know people who diet and do everything right and not lose a pound.  That's never been true for me.  When I eat right and exercise, I lose weight. But it's never good enough.

I feel this huge disconnect right now.  The person I am and the person I have become are so far removed from each other.  

I look in the mirror and hate myself.  I don't hate the way I look....I hate the person looking back at me.  How did I let this happen?  How did I let myself spend 30 years as this stranger?  Why was I so willing eager to accept living as a person so different than who I really am?  I'm so out of touch with myself.  It's like some one blindfolded me and spun me in circles.   I don't know which way is up and which way is down.

I'm really just going through the motions at this point.  Eat right.Exercise.  Maybe that will help me feel more grounded.

I weighed in at a whopping 259 lb.  I'm up 20 lb since July.  Feel sorry for me??  I sure do!

This is a recent photo of me in my bathing suit (which you can't really see but I absolutely love).  


So far Body For Life is underway... I have been tracking my food/water/exercise, doing weights 3 days a week and cardio 3 days a week, and eating the BFL way.  A pretty typical meal is what I had for lunch today:

Chicken breast (left over from dinner, cooked with chicken broth, mustard, spices, olive oil), kidney beans, baby spinach, spring mix lettuce, cukes, carrots, 1 tbsp craisens, 1 tbsp walnuts and 2 tbsp lite dressing. 

It was actually pretty good. I don't mind eating healthy and I don't mind exercising.

   SO WHY DO I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP?    

WHY AM I DROWNING IN NEGATIVE FEELINGS AND ANXIETY?

I just keep telling myself to go through the motions.  Do what I know I need to do.  Hopefully this unsettled feeling will pass.

Weigh-In

Weight:  239.4

Week: +1.2

Total Loss:  35.6

To say I had a rough time this week would be like saying the Captain of the Titanic had a rough time.  It wasn't good.  I was so tired. So very tired.  I felt hopeless and discouraged.  I was kinda sorta holding it together until I couldn't find my phone charger.....and collapsed on the bed in the middle of the afternoon in a pathetic state of tears and whining.

Hubs must have known something was wrong before I did, because earlier that day he surprised me with these....

Aww.....

I decided to spend a whole day getting rid of a ton of STUFF around my house. I brought two car loads of STUFF to Goodwill.  I cleaned and organized my kitchen cabinets and drawers. I did the same for the drawers, shelves, and cabinets in my living room.  Getting rid of all the extra THINGS immediately made me feel better. 

I don't really know where this exhausted feeling is coming from.  At one point I was diagnosed with anemia.  And I haven't taken iron supplements in years.  I got a mulit-vitamin that has iron and hopefully that will help.  I was also worried that my blood sugar might be high.  I got a blood glucose monitor from a friend who has diabetes (yes, new needle!)  and tested my blood.  Fasting is 112.  And 3 hours after eating was 75.  I have gotten so much mixed information about what those numbers mean.  But I think it means I am pre-diabetic.  Bleck....don't really want to think about that.

The only thing to do about it is what I am doing already.  Eat right and exercise.

"A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood." 

 - General George S. Patton

I don't really want to think about my weight either.  I did gain 1.2 lb this week.  And that is crappy. But I know why. And I'm not beating myself up.  I need to remember that I like eating healthy and exercising.  And I really really do.  Exercising is one of my favorite things to do.  I never thought I would say that.  I made some delicious stuff this weekend.  I will put the recipes in a future post.  

Right now I'm just focusing on enjoying my week of good food and good moves!

Fairy Tales and 5K's

Breaking up with Scale was a bad idea. These last few weeks without him have been horrible.  Oh, sure, at first it was fun and liberating.  But it turns out he was right about everything.  This weekend I went crawling back.  Sure he had some nasty things to say... hello 240's....but we are going to work through things together. 

The truth is, I don't believe I can will do this.  I just don't.  I love love love eating food.  Logically I don't understand it. What is so wonderful about taking an item mashing it between your teeth and swallowing it?  Why is that action my very favorite thing in the WORLD to do?  Yes, it often tastes good.  But a lot of the times that's not even the case.  I can't make sense of it.  I work so very very hard.  And then I throw it all away Every.Single.Time.  I really think this whole thing is a bunch of crap.  Pointless. Ridiculous. 

I have done it all and I don't want to do any of it again.  I know that the Fat Smash Diet really works.  Works WONDERS.  I just did it recently and I don't flippin' wana do it again.  Not now.  I decided to track calories on MyFitnessPal....but holy crap people! 1200 calories is really hard to stay at.  I am going to the library tonight to (once again) go through all the diet books on the shelves.  If any one has tried anything that has worked or can recommend anything I would love some advice.  I need something I haven't tried before.  Only something shiny and new will work when I am feeling like this.

Really I know that my problem isn't on my plate...it's in my brain.  I binge and overeat.  I don't know why.  Maybe I wasn't held enough as a baby...or maybe too much... or maybe I just like having a party in my mouth.  I don't know what it is but I need to fix it and I feel like I can't do it on my own.  I looked up Over Eaters Anonymous.  It's a 12 step program.  How's that for "bottom of the barrell"??  I found some in my area but none are at times that I can make. 

Maybe I should just try duct tape......

It's sad to think that this past month I really was on the ball with exercise and yet still gained 5 pounds.  It makes me sick to think that if I could have just dragged my fat butt away from the ice cream aisle that I could be down to my mini goal of 225 pounds.  Exercise does not compensate for the binge. I weighed in at 240.8 pounds.

I'm not sorry that I kept up my exercise though.  I do feel fitter, if not thinner.  In fact, I walked 2 5K's in May.  The first one was not timed...but the second one was.  The last 5K I walked was in 2010 and my time was 01:01:22.  This year my time was 55:58.  I shaved over 5 minutes off my time!! I really pushed myself.  Yes, I know that's still really slow, but it averages to about 3.3 mph and that is really great for ME.

I had some cute stinkin' hair for the 5K too!! And that always helps.

They both look this this from the front.

Just a side dutch braid.



This one is a dutch braid with a bun.



And this one is a dutch braid wound back and forth across my head.

I hope when I go scavenging for diet books I find something that cons me into believing again.  Because it's great to believe.  Even if it's in Fairy Tales.  Cuz that Fairy Tale where I can actually get control of my eating has one very Happily Ever After ending.

Weigh-In: 235.4

Weight:  235.4 lb
Week Change: 0 lb
Fat Smash/Ready for Summer Loss: -15.8 lb
Total Loss: -39.6 lb
Left to Lose:  60.4 lb

My 4 week loss is -15.8 pounds. I am really happy with this. I didn't have such a great week.  I had good intentions and made things like this for dinner...

Salad with chicken breast, romaine, carrots, tomatoes, radishes, goat cheese, and cherry dressing.

I also made steel cut oats with craisens and walnuts for breakfast. (My favorite.)

But on Wednesday and Thursday I was full of anxiety and stress and all that ugliness. I ate junk.  And it made me feel wonderful during and horrible after. It even did this to my tongue.

Can you see how swollen that is?  There are imprints from my teeth.  Ick.

I am proud of myself because I did not wait for Monday to get back in the saddle. I jumped back on the wagon Friday morning. I did not let myself beat me up about my two bad days. They happened. They are over.

"Losers quit when they are tired...Winners quit when they have won."

There is no way I am giving up when I have come so far.  Hubs and I had another double date on Saturday.  Plans about which restaurant we were going to kept changing. (Which I hate because I plan eating out VERY carefully with a lot of online menu recon.)  We ended up at the worst place a fat girl on a diet can be....a buffet.  Cringe.

I rocked it.  I had this....

Crab legs (and really that whole plate gives you about 1/2 cup of meat)

and sushi (mmm....sushi). Pay no attention to that sesame roll and crab rangoon. I don't know how those got there :-)

I was shocked to see the picture of me and Hubs.  I think I look pretty good!! Here is a comparison of a photo of us from about a month ago and the photo from Saturday.

Is it all in my head?  Or can you see a change?

After playing games at our friends' house we decided we needed frozen yogurt.  Another self-serve place opened up and we had to try it.

You start here.

And grab a cup.

Choose your flavor(s)...

They give you combination ideas!
 
Unlike the first place we tried last week, this place did not list the portion size or calories. Just the weight watchers points (most were about 3 points each).

I got White Birthday Cake, Chocolate Dream, and Cookies n Cream.

Then you throw on your toppings from this section.

And this section.

I stuck with a lot of fruits and tried to keep it small. This is what it looked like.

And this is what it looked like 5 minutes later.



Hubs was more than happy with his choice :-)
 
We really had a good time! I feel so thin and happy lately (even though I know I'm still very very chubby).  But it feels good! I'm not complaining.  Once I lose 0.4 more pounds I will post an official Progress Photo.  Until then, here is a shot of me all dolled up (in one of those Pretty Dresses Hanging In My Closet).

Here's to a great week!!! 

Weigh-In 235.4 lb

Weight:  235.4 lb
Week Change:  -2 lb
Total Loss:  39.6 lb
Left to Lose:  60.4 lb

This is the third week of the Ready For Summer Challenge and The Fat Smash Diet.  I am more than thrilled with my 2 pound loss this week.  That makes a 16 pound loss in 3 weeks. Crazy!! Now all I have to do is NOT.GIVE.UP. That's the hardest part.

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” 

--Dale Carnegie

Hubs and I went for another bike ride on Saturday.  We biked for 1.5 hours and covered 10 miles. Yes, that's pretty slow, but I don't care.  I invited a bunch of people to go on the canal path for a walk/bike and then out to dinner after. I was shocked that 16 people showed up!  They all loved my bike :-) I still need to get a basket for her, but here's another photo of her...

I had a yummy salad at the restaurant on the canal.

And then we all decided to walk over about a half mile to this new frozen yogurt place.  It was amazing.  It's all self serve.  You get your bowl and pick out your flavor (or flavors).  The nutrition info is listed on each one!! And there were fat free, sugar free, and lactose free options.  Then there are two stations with every topping you can imagine Including fresh fruit which they chop every hour.

They charge by weight which I loved because I could control my portion size. You can put as little (or as much) as you want in there.  I got fat free cheesecake yogurt (120 cal per cup) and topped it with fresh mango, strawberries, raspberries and toasted wheat germ, flax seed, some graham cracker crumbles and a teeny bit of dark chocolate shavings and raw slivered almonds. So gooood!

We already have plans for another bike ride next Saturday.  And we will probably walk over and get frozen yogurt again :-) 

This week the Ready For Summer Mini Challenge was to visit all the challengers blogs.  I managed to do it! And was really impressed by so many of the posts.  I am constantly encouraged by February Fitness Project.  I love how she tracks her calories and fills us in on where she stands.  Her motivational pictures are great.  And she is so close to goal (well, compared to me) and yet she is dropping pounds.  Just goes to show that it IS possible. She also posts some great recipes.

Also Raeesa Getting Fit pushes me to keep going.  She has some great progress photos that show all this hard work is well worth it!

Seeing other people push through this crazy weight-loss thing reminds us all that we CAN do it. And we will!

These are my Ready For Summer Challenge Goals....with the necessary adjustments...

1. Weight Loss:  Lose 15 26.6 pounds and weigh 225 by June 2nd. 
2. NSV:  Fit into the pretty dresses hanging in my closet.
3. Exercise: Be active 4 hours 5 days each week.
4. Nutrition:  Stay within my PointsPlus allowance on the Fat Smash Diet Monday-Friday every day of the week.

Hard to believe that I am 10.6 pounds away from my June 2nd goal of weighing 225 pounds!  There are still 7 weeks left in the challenge so I know that I can accomplish this. I just have to keep on keepin' on!

Weigh-In: 237.4 lb

Weight:  237.4 lb

Week Loss:  -2 lb

Total Loss:  - 37.6 lb


Left to Lose: 62.4 lb


When I stood on the scale this morning I could not believe my eyes.  It was my second week of the Ready For Summer Challenge and the Fat Smash Diet.  After losing 12 pounds Week 1, I was not expecting much of a loss Week 2.  And then I got sick and spent the whole week on the couch.  I am not one of those people that loses weight when I'm sick.  It feels GOOD to eat when I have a sore throat.  Weird.  I did my best to stay on plan.

Instead of eating ice cream to make my throat feel nice, I made Banana Soft Serve.  I had read about it on 100 blogs but never tried it cuz...well...it sounded dumb.  I didn't think it would be good. And I was WRONG.  So good and the same consistency as ice cream!

You just cut up a banana and freeze it.  Put it in a food processor with some vanilla extract and cinnamon.  Run the food processor until it looks just like this!  



It really hit the spot.  Doesn't it look like ice cream??


 And I exercised when I felt up to it.  I have lost 14 pounds in the last two weeks!  I have a callus on my shoulder from all this patting myself on the back.  But I can't help it. I am so proud of me.

And also so tired. Losing weight is exhausting.  These last two weeks have been difficult because I have been working on getting a stockpile in my freezer of Fat Smash friendly foods.  After this week I should be good to go.  I have some tasty recipes coming your way.  This weekend I made  Stuffed Pepper Soup, Green Chicken Chili, and Spaghetti Squash Soup.  I froze all of it.  For dinners I am making Butternut Leek Soup and Hot and Sour Soup.  I also grilled up a bunch of chicken breast for quick meals.  I have really been digging on soup lately.  And I find that I lose a lot more when I eat soup.

I have also been throwing together stir fries.  My grocery store sells the stir fry veggies all cut up and in a big bag. So convenient and FAST.


The Ready For Summer Week 2 Mini Challenge was to spice up our workout and do something we haven't done before.  I was feeling better Saturday and went for a long bike ride.  There is a bike path on the canal and one section of it has all these shops and restaurants.  Hubs and I met another couple there and biked for 2.5 hours!!! Wow!! I love this couple.  They are a lot of fun.  The wife is about my size and it's nice to have friends who are eating healthy and trying to lose weight AND very close to the same fitness level and we are.  I couldn't believe how good I did.  I used to make Hubs stop every 15 minutes so I could rest and get a drink and BREATHE.  I didn't need to stop ONCE.  I was so nervous to go for the bike ride with other people because I was going to be embarrassed to stop and rest.  I had nothing to worry about.

I don't know if it's all due to my new physical prowess or the fact that I have a cruiser now.

And it's sooo much more comfortable.  It sits me up straight so I'm not all bent over.  And the seat is HUGE.  My butt did not hurt at all that whole time.  I do have post-traumatic butt pain though.  It hurts now!

I also think my stamina was improved by having a Camelbak Pack....ya know...one of those backpacks that is full of water with the straw that comes up next you your mouth so you can drink without having to stop your bike.  And it holds 70 ounces!! I shoved a ton of ice cubes in there too.  I felt a little silly on my blue cruiser while donning the Camelbak.  But a girl's gotta do......

After we had ridden for EVER we locked up our bikes and had lunch at a Greek restaurant on the canal.  I got a salad with grilled chicken and Skordalia dip.  Again, friends were there so no pictures of the food.  We already have plans for another bike ride Saturday. 

I just love eating healthy and being active!!! 

RFS Challenge START

Weight: 251.6 lb

I am done done done with this up and down crap.  I have been on one diet or another for the last 6 months and I weigh exactly what I did when I started. When I got on the scale this weekend and saw that DESPITE staying within my points and exercising like crazy I had GAINED 3 pounds, I just stood on the scale and cried. Cried my eyes out.

Then I promptly open my cupboards and shoved FiberOne bars in my mouth.


After lunch with my hubby I did feel better....not sure exactly why.


I need to get focused and this challenge is starting at JUST the RIGHT time!!!


In the past I have mentioned the Great Weight Loss of 2007.  I lost 50 pounds in about 6 months. I did it by sticking to the Fat Smash Diet.  I didn't want to do it again because, well, it's hard. And restrictive.  And WeightWatchers is much easier. 

But it's what I need right now.  The first phase is 9 days.  It's the Detox phase.  Even though there is no counting of any kind, it's mostly just fruits and veggies.  I found some great recipes and went grocery shopping. I was really proud that my cart was practically FULL by the time I was done with the PRODUCE section.

That's all just fruits and vegetables! 

I am serious this time. I mean business. I have the eye of the Tiger.


I am FOCUSED. I plan on being 225 pounds by the end of this challenge on June 2nd.  Please no comments about how that's not possible. If it's not then at least let me try and fail.  In 10 weeks I want to lose 26.6 pounds.  That's about 2.7 pounds down each week. Crazy. I can do it though. I know I can.  Cheer me on!!!