Gospel According to El

The word *Gospel* literally means *Good News* and even though what I have to say isn't nearly as exciting as what Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John had to report, it is still, nonetheless, Good News.

This news is that I am doing rEalLy GOOD!!! I am currently four days into the 9 day Phase 1: Detox of the Fat Smash Diet. I am shocked by how good I feel. Phase 1 approved foods are fruits, veggies, beans, legumes, 2 cups brown rice, and 2 LF yogurt.  No meat. No cheese. No bread. No pasta.  No Free Day!!!!

I thought by now I would be giving up, or wanting to give up, or having friends beg me to give up.  I thought I would be cranky and miserable. But I'm not. I feel good. 

One of the biggest keys to success is that I have to eat at certain times. The rule is to never go more than 3 hours without eating.  And this isn't a *the-fork-goes-on-this-side-of the plate* fake rule.  It is serious business. I have to eat often and on time.  If I don't I am angry and shaky and searching for quick pre-packaged contraband.  I have been eating RIGHT on schedule with great results.

My fruits and veggies have been tasty. 

Watermelon (mmmmmm watermelon...)

And corn on the cob (yes, I know it's technically a *grain*, but it's Fat Smash approved)

Weird thing about me is that I have *mad-corn-cob-eating-skills*...see how nice and neat that turns out! One row at a time, baby.

I've been eating all kinds of raw veggies with humus....like green beans.



I cooked some dry chickpeas in my pressure cooker and roasted some of them at 400 degrees for 20 minutes.  I sprinkled them with Mrs Dash and cumin. They were just as good as chips. I promise.  Crunchy and spicy.



I also made one of my favorite recipes. 

Pesto Bulgar Lettuce Wraps  (4 Servings, Fat Smash Phase 1)

1 1/3 C Water
1 T No-Sodium Chicken Bullion   
1 C Dry Bulgar
1 14-oz can Pinto Beans, rinsed and drained
1/3 C Basil Pesto
1 Poblano, chopped
Head of Boston Lettuce

Bring the water and bullion to boil.  Add the bulgar.  Reduce heat, cover, cook 10 minutes.  Stir in the beans, pesto, and poblano.  Serve wrapped up in the lettuce leaves.

This is a picture of the picture in my recipe book....I had waited 3 hours and 2 minutes to eat and couldn't wait for my camera to turn on. I had to EAT.

I am feeling super fun and pretty and full of energy.  Which makes me want to look cute.  So I went tanning.  And the girl at the counter made me feel like a loser for not having tanning bed lotion.  But not a big enough loser to actually drop $35 bucks on the stuff she was selling.  So I went to a local beauty supply store and snagged some there for $10.  Still a lot....but this one promised to make me sexy and give me energy...so it was really a bargain.


I also got this crazy thing....I can't believe I am even admitting to it.  But here's the thing.  I wax my own brows, cut my own hair, I might as well give myself pedicures.  And the only reason I drop $30 on a pedicure is cuz the lady uses one of these....


Gross I know but I get wicked calluses on my heels.  And this works miracles. Haven't tried it yet. But I am really hoping it works!!! Don't worry...I solemnly swear NOT to post a single picture of how it works or anything ghastly like that.

In the meantime, I'm just enjoying this *Natalie-Wood-I-Feel-Pretty* feeling.