The truth is that my body has held up under intense pressure. And it has never let me down. When I ask for change it responds. I know people who diet and do everything right and not lose a pound. That's never been true for me. When I eat right and exercise, I lose weight. But it's never good enough.
I feel this huge disconnect right now. The person I am and the person I have become are so far removed from each other.
I look in the mirror and hate myself. I don't hate the way I look....I hate the person looking back at me. How did I let this happen? How did I let myself spend 30 years as this stranger? Why was I so
I'm really just going through the motions at this point. Eat right.Exercise. Maybe that will help me feel more grounded.
I weighed in at a whopping 259 lb. I'm up 20 lb since July. Feel sorry for me?? I sure do!
This is a recent photo of me in my bathing suit (which you can't really see but I absolutely love).
So far Body For Life is underway... I have been tracking my food/water/exercise, doing weights 3 days a week and cardio 3 days a week, and eating the BFL way. A pretty typical meal is what I had for lunch today:
Chicken breast (left over from dinner, cooked with chicken broth, mustard, spices, olive oil), kidney beans, baby spinach, spring mix lettuce, cukes, carrots, 1 tbsp craisens, 1 tbsp walnuts and 2 tbsp lite dressing.
It was actually pretty good. I don't mind eating healthy and I don't mind exercising.
SO WHY DO I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP?
WHY AM I DROWNING IN NEGATIVE FEELINGS AND ANXIETY?
I just keep telling myself to go through the motions. Do what I know I need to do. Hopefully this unsettled feeling will pass.